What is Your Perspective?
What a time to live through… How many hundred years later?! I couldn't wrap my mind around what I saw. It was about 8pm in the evening, I was laying on the couch reading news articles, flipping between that and other articles about health and wellness. I stopped actively watching TV back in 2009 (story for another day) so reading articles to stay up to date on what’s going on in the US and around the world or reading a book is how I typically wine down during the weekdays after work especially since we have been in quarantine.
In the course of reading, I was also going between WhatsApp statuses and Instagram stories. I can’t recall where I clicked a link… First, a little background story about me related to the subject matter. I am naturally very observant, attention to details comes to me easily without trying. As such I would say I have a good visual memory. I tend to see and listen deeper; it just happens. From body language to the slightest change in pitch/tone during conversation. Because of this, I am very picky about what I watch and listen to. As such I resulted to staying updated via reading versus watching depending on the subject matter. For the same reason, I seldom watch movies about slavery, racism or anything along those lines but I sure have read a number of stories/articles, books and continue to read.
A friend visited back in April and during a conversation, she asked if I had seen the video of how Ahmaud Arbery (RIP) was murdered. I said nope thank you! I’ve read multiple articles on the story so I have an idea of how it happened. She suggested I watch it and I insisted nope thanks! My visual memory will replay it over and over. There is a part of me that can get a little too emotional even though I don’t typically wear my emotions on my sleeves. Reading Ahmaud’s story wasn’t easy to digest but I find words more palatable than images especially given the subject matter. Same with the story of Breonna Taylor (RIP), I read about it and she was murdered the day before my birthday…
So back to clicking that link… Before being able to make sense of what was going on, I heard the words “I can’t breathe.” I immediately had a flashback of Eric Garner’s story (RIP) which I only read as well; I didn’t watch any video on purpose. My initial instinct was to exit that link but a part of me was curious, wondering and hoping that when the cop heard the words “I can’t breathe” he would get off of George Floyd or at the very least ease off the pressure. I was hopeful because my thought process was driven by the fact that I work in the healthcare system and when someone says “I can’t breathe,” everyone in the vicinity rushes in the direction of where that phrase was uttered and attends to the person.
Initially, it didn’t occur to me that this cop was kneeling on his neck. I thought it was his shoulder or back. As he continued to say “I can’t breathe,’’ I slowly went from laying on the couch to sitting up. Then I realized the cop was kneeling on his neck, the cop had his hand in his pocket with an annoying smirk on his face while the other cop stood there like… (Let me save my words). Boy did that hurt to watch and it aches to recount it. I turned my phone away but the sound was still on. Then I couldn’t hear “I can’t breathe” anymore so I assumed the cop was off of him. That cop stayed on George Floyd even after he stopped uttering those words and wasn’t moving. For 8minutes and 46seconds... till the EMTs got there. Will it be right to assume that if the EMTs didn’t get there when they did, that cop would have been kneeling on his neck much longer? Oh, by the way, I know the cop’s name including the others, I just don’t feel like addressing them by their names because in my opinion, it isn’t worth it.
There goes my visual memory, it is actually more detailed than that but I’ll save myself the heartache. I exited the link and put my phone facedown. I sat still for a moment and tears trickled down my cheeks. I had a VERY restless night, the following day was emotionally rough and so was the rest of the week at work. As the week unfolded and more stories came out, there were moments I wished I didn’t watch that video because, for some unknown reason, it hit me differently. George Floyd presents with physical characteristics as my two younger brothers; height and obviously black! There’s no way to justify that the cop didn’t intend to kill him, but the ‘system’... Yes, I have read stories about black on black crimes being reported to be more than white on black crimes but there is more to what meets the eye with regards to reports about black on black crimes and it is no justification to brush off the killing of black people by while cops especially in the manner in which it happened in George Floyd’s case.
I wondered why in 2020; how many hundred years later, things like this are still happening. With all the evolution and civilization, I wonder how some people could still be mentally stuck in an era that viewed a certain group of people as a threat or a prey just because of their skin color. I was reminded of these books I’ve read; Defining Moments in Black History: Reading Between The Lines by Dick Gregory and Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. Then I’m reminded of Trayvon Martin (RIP) as I type Trevor Noah. I love hooded sweaters and each time I put on one, Trayvon Martin crosses my mind, and depending on where I am when I have it on, sometimes I would take off for fear of being stereotyped as a threat.
About being a BLACK Woman; I am reminded of the book We are Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union, this book opened my mind’s eye to deeper and more in-depth things being brushed off in regards to black women; double minority. Then boom! Oluwatoyin Salau (RIP) was raped, reported missing, and later found dead. A young vibrant activist at the frontline of the Black Lives Matter movement. It hurt to read that she was violated and disrespected by someone like whom she fought for.
While on the emotional healing journey, the Rayshard Brooks (RIP) incident happened. Not to forget the people found hanging being ruled as 'suicide'. I'm sure there’s a lot more going on with regard to the subject matter. To say I was emotionally ‘tayad’ doesn’t even begin to describe it. Prior to this incident, I was still trying to understand the defund the police and police reform movement; the purpose, and what it entailed. Then out of curiosity, I wanted to know how long it takes to become a police officer. To put things into perspective, it takes more training time to become a barber than it takes to become a police officer (article). Even though the article isn’t as recent, has anything changed since then?!
So while my emotions have been going through this roller coaster in addition to dealing with COVID-19 as a healthcare employee; multiple deaths at work, the passing away of family friends, and family friends losing their loved ones, Sis needed mental rehabilitation. In the midst of all the chaos, I came across a video of an African Woman (apparently Cameroonian, where I am from) sharing her opinion about the unimportance of the Black Lives Matter Movement and how she wasn’t oppressed and bla bla bla. Listening to that 9minutes video initially made my blood boil, then I realized some of what she said either came from a place of lack of information and or misinformation. Then I was reminded of the Stuck in The Middle (Sitmpod) Couch Talk; The Relationship Between Africans and African Americans and Bridging The Divide.
I would plead that my African people watch these because there seems to be a disconnect. I have read/heard comments along the lines of “it is an African-American only problem, it doesn’t concern us Africans.” Well oh well, news flash! It is a BLACK people problem which unfortunately boils down to our skin color. And if we Africans plan to have and raise kids in this country, we better wake up to the reality of what it is, educate ourselves and collectively change the narrative. I want to say how about we collectively come together and uplift the African continent, especially in this era of people tracing their heritage but that’s a conversation for another day.
During my moments of introspection following the George Floyd incident, I realized that even though I earlier wished I could unsee that video; I, however, felt that my journey to seeking knowledge and improving awareness out of the confines of a school curriculum which initially started when I was 13years old had brought me to this point. Something within me had been drastically awakened. I can’t put a finger on it but I know something is different including the desire to want to learn more and improve my society, knowledge, health, and wellness. I go between trying to stay updated, sieving through loads of information (on Instagram (IG); the only social media I’m on, and or news articles that I get notifications for) and wanting to be part of positive change. I have gone through incremental bursts of awakening, first in the Fall of 2009 when I transferred from a predominantly black community college to a four year predominantly white university, then grad school in the Fall of 2012 with the same demographic. My experience in both institutions is a story for another day… I must say grad school introduced me to a whole lot of things too fast too soon.
At the beginning of 2013 (second semester in grad school), I read the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and felt the desire to get more involved in the community. In February, while on a book club conference line, I expressed that desire and on that call was the founder of a community-based organization then known as A Friend to The Homeless today is known as Generosity Global. The Founder Rich Akwo has been a guest on the Sitmpod. My exposure while volunteering during the Selfless Saturdays from then and learning all that I learned and continue to learn among which was the importance of supporting small/local and BLACK owned businesses. Generosity Global also has a clothing line from which most of my T-shirts and sweaters are from; The All is Well/Thumbs Up clothing with positive uplifting messages to brighten my day and anyone I come across. Adding to my t-shirt and hooded sweater collecting is the SitmpodMech
My journey to improving awareness in general and supporting BLACK owned businesses has widened thanks to the guests who have been on the Sitmpod. I do consume a number of the products and services from guests who have been on the podcast and if they provide a service/sell products that I personally do not use/need, I share via WhatsApp or IG. I must say I have learned at least one thing from ALL the guests thus far and some messages have been reiterated via different experiences and perspectives.
From all that has unfolded thus far, I have learned a whole lot. I never knew about Juneteenth and Black Wall Street prior to now. I wasn’t aware of the laws that govern police officers and how one could pretty much blink their eyes or snap their fingers and the training to becoming an officer will be completed. It has been all that and more and the journey to learning doesn’t end here for me. It actually just intensified…
During a recent Stuck in The Middle Couch Talk, Taalib Saber concluded with a powerful message. Watch video.
On that note, I’ll leave you with this quote; “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.”~ What do you understand by this quote? What have you learned from all that has been happening? What is your perspective? How do you plan to channel your acquired knowledge, experience and energy? Share your story, it will be empowering to someone else.