KONGOSSA (GOSSIP)
Ever heard the saying “kongossa di sweet till them catch you[1]”?
About ten or eleven years ago, I was visiting someone at the famous Baptist Girl’s Hostel in Buea, Cameroon and during that visit, I was privileged to witness firsthand what we would commonly refer to in Cameroon as “judging kongossa”.
The person I was visiting happened to be “chief judge” and together with one other lady who was the subject or victim of said kongossa, she was ready to pounce on and beat up three other ladies who had allegedly been spreading the Kongossa. I’m not sure I remember exactly what it was about, but I assure you it had something to do with a man (wink!)
“You call ma name sey weti?[2]” The victim shouted.
“If you no talk we go beat you fine!!![3]” Chief Judge also shouted, vigorously shaking a straightened out hanger in the face of one of the perpetrators who was kneeling on the ground.
“I be talk na sey… I no be call ya name[4]” one of the perpetrators stammered, pleading for mercy.
Gossip; one of those things nobody claims to like, but everyone enjoys it. It’s very normal or common to find women or girls who gossip. It’s in our DNA. We gossip over food and wine, while we cook or clean or when we’re just idle. We like to call it gist, chit chat or “bekwadi” as we fondly called it in the university. I mean, that’s how we catch up, how we know what’s going on in each other’s lives.
But then there’s kongossa; the grandma of gossip; vile, malicious, vicious and mostly false. The kind of gossip that puts girls and women in scenarios like the one described above, which are surprisingly very common among women.
Kongossa, so sweet yet so destructive; powerful enough to wreck homes, sever friendships, destroy families and you name the rest. It always amazes me every time I stop to think about the time and energy put into coming up with some of these false and destructive tales. And just like in the scenario above, every time the perpetrators are caught they lack the courage to defend those same stories they so gladly spread. Cowards!
It is a sad reality that the majority of what eventually becomes hardcore kongossa often started off as simple gossip. But here’s a quick question: must we talk? What is so seductive about spreading negative information about other people? Does it somehow make us feel better about ourselves? Are we really willing to go that low to destroy others just to feel better about ourselves?
The tongue, they say, is a very powerful weapon and we have the ability to either use it wisely or destructively. If we must talk, let us always remember to THINK before we talk:
T: is it TRUE?
H: is it HELPFUL?
I: is it INSPIRING?
N: is it NECESSARY?
K: is it KIND?
Borrowing from the words of Frank A. Clark (1860 – 1936) “Gossip needn’t be false to be evil – there’s a lot of truth that shouldn’t be passed around.” And of course, this wouldn’t be a true piece on kongossa if we do not conclude with a line from the hit song “Kongossa” by the talented singer Magasco that says “toi qui aimes le kongossa tu vas mourrir[5]!”
DISCLAIMER 1: While this post isn’t an attempt to speak down on other people, it is a call or appeal to the better part in each of us. While we cannot control what other people say, we can definitely control what we say and how we say it.
DISCLAIMER 2: I did not come up with the mnemonic (if I may call it that) THINK. It was something I learned in a class a few years ago.
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[1] “Gossip is sweet until you’re caught.”
[2] “What did you say about me?”
[3] “If you do not speak we will get you well beaten!!!”
[4] “What I said was…I didn’t call your name.”
[5] “Those who love kongossa will die!” (paraphrasing)
Composed By: Tina Sama